I thought today about doing a new twitter feed. To be clear, I kind of hate twitter, it is annoying to try to think of witty things to say all the time, feeling like I'm feeble at it, and listening to other people be at both their wittiest and whiniest.

Thus, it is a little odd for me to want to engage more with twitter. But last night I opened a terrible bottle of champange. It was such a colossal letdown. 90 points at BevMo… unlikely. I must have picked up the wrong bottle or something. Yuck. Just yuck.

I thought that this pic would be a good twitter pic along with a pithy “I've had sodas that weren't as teeth achingly sweet as this plonk.”

In fact, I could make that my profile pic. And I could promise to tweet once a day, always about sparkling wine. Usually sparkling wine under $20 because I'm too cheap to buy the expensive stuff. (But occasionally someone else buys so there are high end bubbles ocassionally.) I'd use twitter to chronicle the good and the bad.

I don't open a bottle every day. I'd need some filler material; I could share: “I find that drinking a whole bottle in a day is deleterious for working the next. Those rubber stoppers for wine bottles are suitable for retaining fizz for up to three days.”

I could take picture at Bev Mo and CostCo of the champange in a fluted bottle I keep seeing. I keep almost buying it but I want to spend money on the wine, not the bottle: “Bring that pretty bottle here to me! (Nods to @ballisticcats for their lyric).”

I could look up what the name of the wire wrapper on the cork is called. I knew it for a little while. But then I forgot. But, you know, it'd be a good tweet. And the opportunity for risqué comments about the shape of the corks… I could get a not-safe-for-work rating.

I could mention buying wine from woot: “Yay to @Woot for their Rack and Riddle fizz. Yes, it was a vertical four pack. I'm not sure why only two are pictured here. Except that they were delicious.” Because, really, they were delicious.

I really do love champagne. I'm not too picky. Or so I'd like to think. And I'd like to think that I wouldn't mention a friends almost water-like cava that she prefers. I love the friend. But I'm not letting her choose wines again.

On the other hand, here's a good pic and tweet: “Yeah, I drink champagne from a can. A pink can. What of it? I don't use the straw (usually)!”

Except for the embarrassment of having to ask “do you have champagne in a can?”, the Sofia champagne is one of my favorites. I know I'm paying for the additional packaging (a little hypocritical, maybe I will get the fluted bottle next time I see it) but the cans don't make me feel wasteful if I don't finish a bottle in under a week.

I figured I'd even do Friday haikus: “Methode champenoise / Here add seven syllables / You make me bubbly.” Ok, so that one isn't finished.

I could point out that the Etoile bottle makes an excellent Christmas or New Year's host gift. Lots of points and delicisousness. It will please the snobs and the happy lushes.

For that one, I could give my tasting notes: “This is to sweetness as freeze-dried strawberries are to spring.” One good thing about twitter is that the tweets don't have to make sense. Which is good for me. Really good, especially after a glass of champagne. Though I will admit that that tweet wasn't a compliment. But I did not pour that bottle down the sink so it wasn't a loss, just a “will not buy again”.

I could mention champagne and cupcakes. Probably on my birthday. Of course, I think I did that on my normal (@logicalelegance) twitter feed.

And champagne cocktails… I do occasionally doctor my drinks… “St. Germain's is an eidelflower liquor that tastes like the first golden light of a spring day after a week fo dark rain. Add half a shot to your flute to raise your spirits.” Punny! Plus, again, pretty bottle.

“If your champange is not chilled enough, I recommend adding a frozen strawberry.” I don't know who couldn't think up that pearl of wisdom on their own but it would totally fit into the twitterverse. (I already mentioned my disdain for twitter, right?)

I looked up the recipe for champagne simple syrup this weekend; I was considering putting it on sponge cake, ended up with raspberries and whip cream but the syrup recipe was simple… though it involves “leftover champagne”, a foreign concept. Anyway, I could send out the “heat champagne, add sugar, stir, cool, pour over steak” instructions. Again for people who couldn't figure it out on their own. And, yes, I'm kidding about the steak. I'd poor it over sponge cake. Or strawberries. Or raspberries. Add it to whip cream. Put it in truffles. Add it to jam. Put it in soda water. Oh heck, I'd pour it over steak and then lick it off.

If I doled these factoids out over a month or two, 140 characters at a time, I wouldn't seem like a drunkard. Probably.

I really do like champagne. I wonder what this one is going to taste like.